It’a not very beautiful this morning but in my mind it is. Its beautiful because I’ve learned another lesson. Bringing me ever so close to my clarity. The power of saying no has come in handy a lot this week. I’ve always been too nice, or too easy to convince.
Apart of me is extremly angry at this moment in time, but I’d rather feel anger than nothing at all.
A friend of mine came to visit and spend the night. I had a bad feeling about it, I shouldve cancelled beforehand but it was too late.
It has led me to believe any visitor I have here from home only turns out into a bad experience. I will probably never bring anyone here again. Anyone that isn’t male that is.
He arrived late, we just hung out and he tried to make moves on me. I was incredibly uncomfortable and said no thank you.
I guess it meant a lot of me to say that. It’s not what I wanted so I said no. I’ve never done that. I’ve never stood up for myself in a situation where I know I didn’t want something to happen.
I’m perfectly happy on my own. At this time in my life I prefer it. Nothing good has come from the opposite sex within these past few months. I mean besides Charlie, One Direction, my brother and my gay best friend.. Besides them, they all think that they want to or can pursue me. This sounds very self centered but it always seems like there’s someone knocking on my door. Frankly I’m tired of it. Coming to the realization of what I want and don’t want in a man, and the fact of the matter that I do not want a man at all has been one of my greatest life achievements.
I’ve lost friends, people, my self and great oppurtunities because I’ve either fallen so fast or been so focused on having a guy in my life. It’s exhausting.
I want to be my own person.
I don’t want to be a princess anymore.
Princesses are courted, they are sent off to be married and to live by a man’s side.
I want to be a queen. One that can build her own kingdom and herself,- all by herself.
I still have a lot to learn about life. There will be plenty more times for me to be happy, to be sad, but I’m not wasting myself on someone who will only build me up and tear me down again.
I hope the independence inspires you to.
Have a lovely day,
I’ve thought a lot about “the secret” and I’ve been re- reading exerpts as well.
Positive thinking leads to positive things. This is absolutely true. While I was home it was hard to stay the most positive I could because I was so fixated on worrying about things I can’t fix!
Well, this was absolutely stupid of me. Returning to school never felt so good! I’m back on top of my game and nothing feels better!
My new room mate has moved in and I absolutely love her! She is a lot like myself and she also has a fiery personality. All around she’s a beautiful person. I’m lucky to have her as my new room mate.
I’ve been on top of my work and on my A game and it feels damn good! Most people here at MECA are nervous for their student review but I’m incredibly excited to be able to talk about my growth as an artist and what I’ve learned.
Last night my best friend and I were able to see Catching Fire for a second time. Still just as amazing. It’s funny how many little coincidences we still keep finding in each other.. She eats her popcorn with bunch-a-crunch! SO DO I ! She’s amazing and I can’t wait to see where life takes us with our friendship.
Surprisingly, the young gentleman I went out with when I was home called me and asked if he could visit me this weekend. I was shocked that he wanted to drive a long distance just to take me out on a date! It was just the icing on the cake for these past few days. He is charming as ever and has always been a great friend. I’m so excited!
Knock on wood this streak doesn’t end!
Don’t feed into the negative-don’t even think about it!
If you are truly upset..pop music always helps!
Find the little things in your day that you can use as motivation for more positive choices!
And never forget to ,
Keep Moving Forward!
Have a beautiful day
xoxo, until next time